Today, my mood is as gloomy as the sky outside ...
I sometimes wonder how some SAHMs can manage their housework, cook and homeschool their kids, and still spend quality time with them.
I am no super-mom. There is so much to do, endless work, that I don't even have time to myself till the kids are in bed at night. On good days, I can laugh at their mischief to make myself happier. I can be in control of my frustrations and anger. On bad days, I just feel like quitting.
I thought the days of sleepless nights would be over once the kids are older. That is not the case. Even now, they will wake up in the middle of the night occasionally to go to the toilet, or whine for their blanket. After a couple of nights being disturbed by the kids, I will be "trained" to wake up every other hour at night. This is so even though the kids are not disturbing me. Each morning, I will be awake by 530am. Don't ask me why so, as I do not know either. There are days when I wake up in the morning and don't feel like doing anything at all. Is it possible? No. There's packing of lunch boxes to be done, preparation of breakfast, waking the kids (and hubby) up, and getting the kids ready for school. All to be done in an hour or so. I find that after the morning rush, and after walking the kids to school, I just don't feel like eating breakfast or lunch. Sometimes, I skip dinner. My mom used to tell me : After cooking the meals, I just don't feel hungry anymore!
Now I understood what she meant.
Then there's the home-schooling part. The teaching method in Math in the States is different from that in Singapore. Teaching concept is good, but practice is important too. Sometimes, my elder boy would forget what he had learnt in school, and couldn't do the exercises I gave him at home. But after going through the concept, he would recall and while doing the exercises, made a couple of careless mistakes. At the rate at which he is learning and doing his exercises, I think there is a chance he may fail the tests when back in Singapore .... so slow and careless. Teaching him is not easy either. Somehow children think that ... if you are not his teacher, you should not teach him. I am no "kiasu" parent. I would try to do some work with them on weekends, for an hour or so. It could be Chinese, or explaining Math problems which he couldn't understand in school. Or try to follow the Singapore Math Curriculum, so that he doesn't lag too much in work when we go back to Singapore. But I find it really draining and trying to get work done with the kids. I would face much protest from them, or I would be too tired or rushed (cooking etc) to really want to sit down with them. I would just let the weekend go by without any work done. Sometimes for two or three weeks. Nothing done. Maybe I am not a good teacher. Maybe I am not a patient teacher. I used to take pride in being able to get my naughty students to attend extra lessons willingly, but now, I am having a tough time getting my own kids to do some (minimal) work.
It's an uphill task, or am I am going downhill?